Monday, August 17, 2009

Good Morning

It was still dark outside

when I left her apartment this morning.

walking down Forbes Avenue I saw the sun

rise. And I glanced over my left shoulder and smiled

a greeting to a view I'd never seen before.

Closer to my door. Sun higher. I walked with purpose today.

One block away, at the green light--the corner of Atwood and Bates,

baby blue breeze and haze in my eyes focused into downtown

and for the first time all summer I felt that everything was just right

just the way it is

right now.

Friday, August 14, 2009


The only thing I can do is promise to try.

Monday, August 10, 2009


Though I haven't been at my house for more than one night in the past week, I've felt remarkably at home in the place that I have been. For some reason, the last few weeks have made my house less of a home for me. I feel an incredible amount of tension that may or may not exist outside of my own mind, and it's difficult to discern the cause.

My Saturday night was spent at the Crew House with a few good friends and hours worth of worthless YouTube videos. "It's nice to find people who are obsessed about the same things you are." As we parted ways and I walked down the front steps, friends waving in either direction, I yearned to be back in that house--to make it my home again. I can't wait until I can return. I hope you can see what this means to me. It seems that when I talk about things, I bring up the negative far more often than the positive, and maybe you get the impression that I'm clinging to something that hurts me more than helps me. But for all of the bullshit that comes with it, it's a place where I know I fit, barring the times in the presence of certain people, but I've found ways to minimize the discomfort of those times. I have friends who Get It. And get me. And I'm sorry if you still don't feel comfortable there, but that place is more my home than the house in which I am supposedly living right now, and you really should know that you are always welcome there. It's supposed to be That Kind of Place for everyone who is invited. (I'm getting into this whole random capitalization thing now as well.)Please don't feel like you are making it awkward for me, if you are feeling that way currently. I put myself in that situation. I do that because everyone else needs to be put there too. You make people okay with things by forcing them to deal with them, and for the most part, none of my friends even give us a second thought. It's normal to them, and that's how things are supposed to be. But there are still those people who are going to be uncomfortable, and you should know this :). I sort of exist to make other people feel awkward, and it isn't my problem if they do. That made little sense, but you get the idea.

You are home now, and I think I need to bathe and get my ass out of here before she comes to drop off her stuff.