Now it's August

I seemed to be doing well with writing all the time until real life started to take its toll on me. I'm once again finding that this is just something that I need to do, and even if I don't have time for it, I need to make time. I've been moving a lot lately. I haven't really had time to process everything that's been happening, and I need to do that in order to make sure I am ready for some big things that are on the way. I'm trying to piece together how I feel about things, but that's really tough when thoughts of all the things that I have to do start to invade the space that is meant just for me.

A customer came in today to buy a bag of ostrich meat chews (yes, they are gross...and mostly made of beef anyway), but I ended up talking with her for a little while about Pittsburgh in general, and then it turned into a conversation about school and what I studied. At the end of the conversation, she gave me a suggestion about going to PA school. And now I'm seriously considering it. To be fair, I've seriously considered quite a few career options over the past six months. I'm at least going to look into it and talk to some people who've been down that road already.

I work at GNC. I've been there for about a month now. It's not an absolutely terrible job, but I don't like being afraid of losing my job because I'm not a pushy salesperson. I don't like how I sometimes don't know my schedule until two days beforehand, and I don't like being faulted for not being able to make a last-minute change to a schedule I had already been given. Mostly, I don't like putting up with all of that in addition to extremely rude downtown customers for a mere $7.25 an hour. I honestly feel that I am too old for this kind of work environment, which doesn't make much sense since we are all in our twenties there. I did this sort of job in high school, and I vowed that I would never do it again because of how drained I felt from dealing with people all day. But I am much more capable of handling that stress and frustration these days. I've noticed an improvement in myself in the past month. Dealing with customers all day is really, really hard for me, but it makes me better at dealing with people in general. I keep finding out that I can handle much more than I think I can.

I can feel so much negativity just leaving my life. Following through with that decision was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It was harder than coming out to my family, both times. It was harder than opening myself up to be vulnerable all over again. It's still hard sometimes. But I know I am doing the right thing. How do I know this? I can feel the difference in my life. Things aren't perfect, but I stopped expecting them to be a long time ago.

I think I'm okay with not writing anymore today.