In an effort to normalize my sleep schedule, I realized that I definitely overdid it waking up 16 hours later in essentially the same predicament since it was 6:00 PM. I managed to get a few more hours in the middle of the night, so I almost feel like a normal human being...but then I remember everything else that's going on, and sleep seems to be the only escape I have from this constant tightness in my core, a pressure in my stomach and chest that is both maddening and unrelenting. I cannot believe things have spiraled downward so quickly. In just two weeks, I feel like I have fallen further than I ever have before. At least before I left, I had hope. I have some goals for the future, but it is hard to focus on them right now. As afraid as I am of the passage of time, I sometimes wish I could wake up one year from now so that I could move away and start school. I only see my family, and while I love them, I cannot live like this. I feel so isolated. And I fear that will never change, permanently. I thought Annapolis was going to give me the start I needed. I thought it was my chance to move forward. But I was back here before I could figure out what was even happening.
I want to cry and scream, every single minute that I am awake.
I haven't seen the sun in 40 hours or so.
I do not think I can do this for much longer, even if I do manage to find some menial job to pass the hours away.
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