Reality

About two weeks ago, I opened an email that may change my life. Or it may not. I've been accepted into the MS program in Integrative Neuroscience at Georgetown. Most people would be ecstatic, and I am to a degree. But I'm overwhelmed. I'm terrified. 

There's no guarantee that I'll get the financial aid I need to attend.

The commute is going to be almost if not more than 2 hours every day, each way, unless we can find a way to get additional funds to support living at least a little closer to the city.

I haven't been in school in nearly a decade. What if I can't do it anymore?

There are so many little details to navigate before school starts (waiving health insurance, random forms, getting a school ID, meeting with people, orientation), and not knowing whether I'll even be able to attend is making all of that rather difficult.

I'm still trying to proceed as if everything is going to work out, but knowing that it may not is really taking its toll on me. 

That and I've been sick all weekend. 

If things do work out, my schedule will look like this before research hours (12-15 each week) are added:

Basic Neuroscience I (MW 9:00-10:40 am)

Journal Club (M 11:00-11:50 am)

Translational Neuroscience (Th 11:00 am-12:40 pm)

Experimental Approaches and Techniques (F 10:00 am-11:40 am)

Public Policy for Scientists (T Th 6:00 pm-7:30 pm)

I keep wondering if I'm ready for this. But I have to keep trying. I've waited almost a decade for this opportunity, and I can't just let it go now. The worst part about this is waiting for everything to come through (or not). It's hard to focus on anything else right now, including work, which is becoming a problem. I usually get perfect ratings on my jobs, but I've gotten two less-than-stellar ones in the past few weeks. 

I don't really even have much more to say. I just can't stop thinking about everything and needed to get it out.