3 years ago

I read your most recent post today, and for what I thought was no good reason, it made me run to the living room to dig in that beer box in the corner for a journal whose pages ran out long ago. The first entry is written on the very first piece of paper in the book. You know the one--the one without any lines, the one that speaks to the creativity of the little bound book's new owner, crying out for something special to forever mark the subsequent ponderings as corollaries to the meaning of the bigger picture.
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July 25, 2006

I just took my contacts out, which means that I'm having a difficult time seeing anything. It's hard to fall asleep. I'm on the 19th floor of the Litchfield Towers building, far enough off the ground to completely avoid the sounds of traffic on Fifth Avenue below. The only thing I can hear is the ventilation system...and the sound of this pen scraping against the blank page. I'm glad I don't have to dorm in Litchfield. I'm only here for my PittStart session. I get to meet with my adviser tomorrow morning to schedule my classes. It will actually be in a few hours. It's almost 3 AM. I spent until 2 talking with this awesome girl named Nicole. She's so much like me. I think I'm going to have an easy time meeting people in the college environment--much easier than I expected anyway. I don't have a roommate tonight, so it's pretty much my thoughts and I hanging out until morning. I hope we get to go to Myrtle Beach. We've worked so hard to save the money and plan the trip. Why isn't anything ever easy? Why is everything a battle? Some questions just can't be answered, I suppose. I want to finish the first page of this book, even though I'm running out of things to say. I'm not even writing at a desk. I'm sprawled out on the extremely high bed in an extremely uncomfortable position. If I had my contacts in, I'd be able to view the whole city from the window behind my bed. All I can see now is a blur of red, yellow, and green lights against the black of night. That in itself isn't a bad view. It adds a little mystery to the atmosphere, making me wonder just what's out there, sort of like how I'm wondering what's out there in my future--the future that is about to begin a few short weeks from now. I wonder what sort of events will light up the night sky of my collegiate years. What constellations of friends will I form? Will they be the Big Dipper that guides me home to safety every night? Will the same passion for life blaze within their souls? So much is left to be discovered. So much may never be discovered. I guess that the joy of life is not only in the journey, but in knowing that one's journey is never truly complete. There will always be some stones left unturned, always paths that we were never able to travel. We can't have everything, and the grand struggle in life is really deciding which paths we ARE going to take and which stones we are going to turn. Life is all about these choices. Our different choices make us unique beings. Now that we are in college, we must again choose: We must choose who we are going to be...as well as who we are not. I wonder who I'll be, and I wonder what about me will change once I find that out. <3
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