You don't have to remind me. I already know.
I've got nothing left to lose, so I might as well try.
From the way things are going, he'll be gone soon no matter what I say.

Yeah, I sicken myself sometimes.
I suppose learning to live with myself means learning to live with this part of myself too...and not expecting other people to go through it with me.

I'm going to be more on my own than ever.

So what if you are right?
I still don't know why you had to say it.
I was already feeling like shit.
I don't understand.

I'm waiting for him now, and I guess it won't matter after all. Why am I even trying then? Is that your point? Should I just quit now and let him hate me rather than have my heart broken?
It's too late for that.

I don't care if my head and heart are a mess right now. I'm doing the only thing I can--the only thing I know how to do.
And I know it isn't good enough.
It never was, apparently.

I'm not bitter. I'm admitting it. I understand that much.

I just want things to make sense again. I want to feel connected to people again. I want to feel connected to SOMEONE again. And the person with whom I most strongly desire this connection might break it off tonight or very soon.

I'm trying.
Maybe I can do this, and maybe I can't. We'll see.
It's hard to know what I am saying anymore. I'm not even sure why I am skipping lines and putting these spaces where they are. Nothing makes sense.

I'm not going to ever say that it's not fair. There is no such thing to me. We don't get what we deserve. We get what we get, and that's it. And we make the rest of it ourselves. And maybe I can make something of this, but right now I'm just not feeling it. I think all of this has worn me out, and I don't know what it is going to take to get me back to where I need to be. I know that I really care about someone. That's all I have to go on right now.

Some good people just walked in and made me smile.