Just Another Tuesday

There is value in writing something every day, no matter how insignificant your observations may seem. Those little details, like the fact that it rained today or that I actually took the time to talk to a girl I thought I wouldn't be able to stand. Let's just say I was wrong. I've learned over and over again that first impressions are almost always wrong, even if you're great at reading people. Anyway, one of these days, I'm not going to remember these details, and maybe having them in a little place like this or in a notebook stashed away in a green box in the corner of my room will be the most important thing in the world to me. Our memories really are our greatest treasures. We turn to them when we have lost loved ones--when we have lost anything, really. I strive to remember because forgetting means you have to start over.

And about the pageant. As I expected, I am completely over it and ready to take on the challenge of preparing for nationals in a few months. Bouncing back seems to be my specialty. In order to be a success, you've got to first be a failure. And sometimes, you're both at once. It depends on where you're standing.

It's one of those days where I'm not sure where I'm going but I don't mind at all.

I requested a day off next week to go get my fingerprints done. This is finally going to happen. It's funny that I don't feel more excited about it. It's been so long that it's not that big of a deal anymore. It's just something that needs to be done to avoid awkwardness and inconvenience. I don't need the validation. I think the most exciting part is that I will get to do this with at least one other trans person, and this is a big step for her. I want to see this happen for her more than anything, really. It's always exciting to talk to people who are about to embark on a journey similar to yours. And you want to tell them everything and prepare them for all the challenges they might face, but it's almost like being a parent in a way. You can't tell them everything. Some things they'll need to experience for themselves in order to really understand. I've come to accept this as part of my own life in general, another facet of growing up of which I was unaware several years ago.

There's no one else here right now, and I'm happy to sit in silence. It's something I don't get enough of these days.

I was supposed to be getting a puppy for Christmas, but that's not happening because the girl gave it away to someone else (a relative) after she had already promised it to Jon for me. Oh well. I'm a little sad because I was looking forward to having a cute little animal waiting for me every day. I squeal around tiny, cute things.

I need to design fliers, but I'm exhausted. I just want to sleep. Still feel like it's too early for that, though. Same old. I suppose if I pass out I can just wake up early and start on them.

This is getting silly, so I'm out until I have something slightly more interesting to say.