My Face is Itchy.

I have no reason to feel as good as I do right now, and maybe it's sad that I am suspicious of that. There are things I don't feel so great about, but I'm not as concerned about the things that normally drive me crazy. And I can't tell if that's good or bad. I can't tell if that means I'm losing motivation even more or if I'll finally be able to move in some sort of direction.

I have no idea where my glasses are, and this upsets me. I think that and the bloated feeling in my stomach are the only things that really concern me right now.

I have so much to say about the Olympics, but I don't know if I can get it all out the right way tonight. Still, it's worth the effort. I'm a ridiculous fan of any sort of activity that involves physical skill. There's something unequivocally captivating about the flexibility of the human mind and body--its ability to become able at so many things. I appreciate that in myself and in others, and I now understand that I can sometimes see it in others when they cannot. Sometimes I am better at seeing that ability in others than I am in myself. I've always been my own worst enemy...well, until I met a certain person. Anyway, to avoid falling down that rabbit hole, let's get back to sports and stuff.

The Olympics is both beautiful and terrible. It's terrible in the ways that most things in modern times are--over-commercialized, wasteful, etc. But that waste and ceremony and pretense make it extraordinary, and I imagine there is nothing like the experience of standing in front of the whole world and being able to show them you are the best there is. People also seem to forget everything else that's going on in the world. Again, that's both a plus and a minus. Honestly, it makes more sense to me to decide major international conflicts with sport than it does with senseless mass murder, though I will acknowledge that former iterations of society had a definition of sport that very frequently included death and serious physical injury. If people have compared global warfare with a grandiose chess match, well, why not just have a chess match? I know it's not that simple, but it has been. And could have been.

But we are animals, and we assert our dominance by killing. By subjugating. By wiping out those who stand in our way, even if that doesn't involve killing them. And these are things that will never stop. All things that are possible will occur, given enough time.

I've been struggling with something lately. I've been having a very difficult time distinguishing my dreams from reality. I was in a panic for about an hour the other day because I had not shown up for my second job in a week or two. However, I don't have a second job. But I did in the dream, at a gym. This happens with conversations as well. I will have such vivid, realistic dreams about conversations with people I know, and then I find out a week later that my memory is based on something that never happened. I'm not going to lie, this worries me. It's maybe been happening for 6 months or so.

In other news, my computer has a fingerprint reader. Unnecessary but awesome.

Best advice this week: "Go PhD! A master's will never be funded, and once you have a doctorate, who's gonna tell you shit?"

Seriously.