Insanity Induced Insomnia

I'm having trouble sleeping because my life is driving me insane. I have so much work that needs to be done, but I feel that there are more important things in my life that need much more immediate attention.

I wish it were as easy for me as it is for her. I wish I weren't so scared--so intimidated by the rest of the world. I wonder when that has ever stopped me before. What is so special about this particular attribute of my present life? Perhaps I'm too afraid of losing a career I don't even have yet. I'm probably more afraid of losing my loved ones.

I'm not even sure if we actually fought tonight. Fights without vocalized confrontation are rather interesting in that you are forced to rely on the nonverbal cues. It's a curious case indeed when one of these situations presents itself. I find that I have a better idea of what's happening in my life when there's no speaking involved...or when the speaking remains at a superficial level.
I live in writing. This voice--the voice that internally speaks to your mind the words I have written--is what I have always considered to be my true voice. No one calls this voice broken or stupid. This voice is not shy, nor is it socially awkward and incomprehensible. This voice is commanding and communicative, able to penetrate hearts and minds with weapons considered mere words by others. This voice is nothing like the person you see out there, desperately trying to sew together in vain the tattered old tapestry of a conversation that has long since gone up in flames; nothing like the person out there who stutters and mumbles and fails at conveying even the most simple of messages; nothing like the one out there whose words fail to flow--fail to evoke any emotion at all other than that which breeds contemptuous laughter.

This voice is who I am and is the person whom I aspire to be to the rest of the world. I've been told that it's just not possible andthat everyone experiences this same sort of personality divide, though I know that the extent to which I am drawn toward this medium is a far greater one than most have known or will ever know.

I wonder if I am doomed to live in different worlds for the rest of my life.